


My boyfriend is a fucking idiot…but I love him anyway.

by LazuliAlekto



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Blogging, Crack, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Noct and Prompto being dumbasses, Pranking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliAlekto/pseuds/LazuliAlekto
Summary: Ignis creates a blog about Noct called “My boyfriend is a fucking idiot…but I love him anyway.”
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 104





	My boyfriend is a fucking idiot…but I love him anyway.

It all begins because Ignis has so many things he _could_ say about having the Prince of Lucis as his boyfriend, however, because of who Noctis is, he simply can’t vent to many people, some of whom would find the whole thing scandalous. So, he finds himself creating an anonymous blog that is soon filled with stories about Noctis. He edits them carefully, removing anything that would identify either of them to the public, no mention of names, no mention of where they live, but even so, the stories apparently strike a chord with people, because Ignis, by default, has become an internet celebrity.

And Noct has no clue.

Honestly, the sweetheart thinks that Ignis has a cooking blog.

Poor, innocent darling.

Although innocent is a bit of a stretch these days. Noctis has displayed a penchant for being a kinky little fucker on many occasions. Ignis is quite happy to bask in that kinkiness. And _those_ stories, most assuredly, do _not_ make their way to Ignis’ page, well, except one.

Noct thought it might be kind of kinky to buy a flashing butt plug. His exact wording was “it’ll be fun, c’mon…” complete with pout and a calculated fluttering of lashes.

Ignis took one look at the awful thing and knew it was going to be a disaster, but it was Noct. Noct pulling out the pout and the big blue puppy dog eyes that Ignis caves to _every single time._ So he agreed to try it. What he discovered is that it is impossible to feel sexy when your boyfriend’s ass is flashing different colours. The phrase “farting rainbows” came to mind. His description of his horrified thoughts on the vision before him were an unmitigated laugh fest on his blog. Along with requests to find out where the butt plug was purchased from. Ignis was dumbfounded at that. Who on Eos would want to actually buy the thing after reading about a flashing ass? What he didn’t tell them was that there was a matching cock ring. One look at Noct’s ass flashing had him reaching for it while trying not to split his sides laughing, dropping the offending item into the trash while locking eyes with Noct who merely smiled at him sheepishly. Then pouted. With his ass still flashing.

A lot of what Ignis posts begin with Noct saying “so, don’t get mad, but…” Which of course means that Ignis should very much get mad, but inevitably he can’t because Noct would pout and then Ignis folds like a camp chair under Gladio’s weight. Another favourite beginning is “in my defense, Prompto thought it was a good idea,” which, again, inevitably it never is. Prompto rarely has good ideas and Noct is fully aware of that fact, yet he goes along with it anyway.

One of said ideas involved a kiddie pool, a cringe inducing amount of jelly, magnetic fish and a fishing rod. When Ignis entered Noct’s apartment to find the aforementioned objects, he promptly turned on his heel and left. 

Sometimes, it’s better to not know. If he wasn’t in the know, he didn’t have to answer any questions. Answering questions about a fluorescent green kiddie pool filled with bright blue jelly was never in his job description. Although he gave them points for using blue jelly to mimic water. It was the only remotely sensible part of that whole scenario.

  
“It was only meant to be for shits and giggles,” is another, and one that Ignis despairs of, because it always means that the end result was not shits and giggles, more likely “run your ass off to get away from Cor Leonis,” or “shit, we better hide before Clarus spots us,” either of which Ignis has lost count when it comes to how regularly they occur.

  
If Ignis has dedicated several posts to the criminality of Noct pouting at him, well, who can really blame him. Especially as how often it gets used against him, very effectively.

The blog is as much a place to dump his thoughts on Noct’s foibles and misadventures as it is a place for him to wax poetic about that fact that he loves him deeply regardless of how much of dumbass he can be.

Noct is incredibly intelligent, but, as Ignis has experienced, he can totally do really dumb shit.

Which is where the phrase “it looks worse than it is,” comes in, because in Ignis’ vast and hard won experience, it’s always as bad if not _worse_ than it looks. Always. Without fail.

Entering the apartment to billowing smoke, the fire department on their way and a sheepish Noct frantically opening windows and waving tea towels is disturbingly regular in occurrence. Ignis will stride in, dump whichever of his expensive pans Noct has just ruined under the tap, douse the smoldering mess, then call off the cavalry.

After the first few times, they have learned to take Ignis’ word for it.

Ignis had tried to ban Noct from the kitchen, but to no avail. Noct did the pout thing again, and again Ignis folded like the aforementioned camp chair.

Because Noct had brought out his secret weapon.

“I was just trying to do something nice for you, Specs.”

That, used in conjunction with the pout is a sure fire way to have Ignis melting into a puddle of sweetness. And usually naked, in Noct’s bed while the rest of the apartment airs out.

Some of his readers call him whipped, others declare that their relationship is true couple goals. Ignis, personally, cannot see the appeal of having your boyfriend regularly almost burn down your home, but, well, each to their own, he supposes. Honestly, he wouldn’t have Noct any other way. He adores him, it just also happens that he needs to vent sometimes. Or ask opinions on the best way to get bright blue jelly stains out of carpet.

Hence the blog.

That Noct thinks is full of recipes.

Today’s entry is more of a form of applause, rare, but it happens. Gladio was the target of a prank that Noct and Prompto had deemed hilarious. At least, they had when they eventually told Ignis about it, the pair laughing the whole time. Until Ignis raised a judgemental brow and asked if they were sure that Gladio didn’t know it was them.

That brought silence. And a little panic.

Noct had scratched the back of his head, shifting from foot to foot, biting his lip, “uh, I don’t think he’ll know. I mean, we were pretty careful.”

Noct speak for they hadn’t considered any repercussions. Or the existence of security cameras. Cameras that Gladio would be sure to search for evidence.

Though, Ignis hadn’t received a call from the Prince’s Shield informing him that he was about to commit regicide, so, apparently they had actually successfully pulled off a prank.

A prank that involved Gladiolus’ four wheel drive, a disturbing amount of shopping trolleys and a vacant parking lot.

Prompto waved his phone in front of Ignis’ face triumphantly, until Ignis grabbed hold of it so he could make out the slightly blurry image of the vehicle, perfectly ringed by the shopping trolleys, all linked together. Ignis blinked at it, incredulous that they had pulled it off. How Gladio was going to pull the bloody things apart was a mystery? He wasn’t sure brute force would be enough when faced with the absurd simplicity of the situation. It was a perfect ring, no gaps, each trolley slotted into the one before it.

He let out an absurd giggle, quickly covering his mouth to stifle it, but it was too late. Both Noct and Prompto had noted the sound and were beaming in pride that they had caused it. They both looked so damnably adorably pleased that Ignis let his smile show.

“Oh my,” he murmured, glancing back down at the image, shaking his head in wonder. This was going to be wonderful fodder for his blog. He did love when he could praise Noct for his readers. And it made him feel less guilty for all the ridiculous things he posted about.

However, as the saying goes, love is blind.

And Ignis had been blind to the fact that that particular prank was glaringly unique.

He opened his laptop, sure Noct was out of the apartment, navigating straight to his blog and clicking on his comment section under the latest offering.

**NoodleDude: I’m gonna kill him.**

**NoodleDude: and his chocobo loving accomplice.**

Ignis stared at the comments in horror. He knew exactly who had written them. Time for damage control.

**SageFireChef: Come now, it’s not that bad.**

**SageFireChef: Surely you can see the funny side of it.**

**NoodleDude: It took me HOURS to get my ride out**

**NoodleDude: He’s gonna wish he’d never been born when I’m done with him**

**SageFireChef: There is a ‘side’ to this you haven’t considered.**

Ignis bit his lip, hoping Gladio had picked up on the subtle hint. Regicide was an executable offence obviously. There was a ‘ping’ from his laptop, announcing a new comment.

“Oh dear,” Ignis whispered as he read it.

Then the door slammed open, Noct stomping in, face thunderous.

“What the fuck, Ignis?”

Ignis grimaced, hands out to placate his Prince, “in my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Noct stopped in his tracks, mouth dropped open at his own words being used against him. He took a deep breath and leaned over Ignis’ shoulder to read the screen.

**Chocoboi: our resident chef has a bigger problem to deal with.**

Noct reached out and tapped out a comment, Ignis biting his lip so hard it almost bled as he read the words appearing on the screen.

**SageFireChef: (boyfriend taking over this account) damn right he does. Time for some payback.**

**MageQueen: this is fucking hilarious**

**LibertyorDeath: can’t wait to see the result**

**HeroBlade: LMFAO**

**KingOfTheHill: My office. Now.**

**LibertyorDeath: oh shit.**

**NoodleDude has logged out. Chocoboi has logged out. HeroBlade has logged out. MageQueen has logged out. LibertyorDeath has logged out.**

Ignis and Noct glanced at each other, dawning horror on their faces, suddenly completely on the same side.

Ignis grimaced, giving the screen one last look, “oops.”

Noct rested his head on Ignis’ shoulder, laughing softly.

**SageFireChef has logged out.**


End file.
